Processing

New York and other cities around the nation have been protesting since George Floyd, a Black man, was murdered by a police officer in Minneapolis. The video footage is deeply disturbing, and unfortunately, no longer surprising. This senseless death—along with others this spring that include Breonna Taylor and Ahmaud Arbery—have rightfully reinvigorated the national Black Lives Matter movement.

Let me be very clear: I’m no expert on antiracist behavior, and I have failed in the past at being a perpetual advocate for communities that don’t look like mine. Perhaps there was intent; there wasn’t longevity.

But I don’t know how you watch the life of a Black man be snuffed out by the knee of white authority in a painful eight-minute video, and not think there should be a vast reimagining of our current systems. I don’t know how you complain more about the economy than the blood on our hands. I don’t know how you could put so much energy into caring about the fate of Confederate “monuments”—and never question the injustice they represent.

I’ve had uplifting and emotional conversations with my parents about what we as Americans must consider in 2020; I value our discussions, especially since we don’t always believe in the same solutions. But not all of my interactions have been positive—which is, of course, expected.

So there has been much internal searching during this time. Why is this the norm? How did I not learn about that? What could I have done instead? There has been sorrow. There has been learning and listening (see below). There has been protesting and petitioning. There has been guilt.

We don’t like to feel guilty—and I wouldn’t suggest any human stay in that space eternally or process it publicly. But when closely examined, feelings of discomfort can and should lead to changes in behavior.

Guilt does not equal “bad.”
Protesting does not equal “bad.”
Having hard conversations does not equal “bad.”
Questioning and changing an opinion does not equal “bad.”   

That’s processing. And with action, it could turn into growth—which by definition, is not a stagnate stance.

Without spilling my guts too haphazardly, know there has been a reexamining of my own philosophy and the actions I do or don’t take on a daily basis—particularly in regard to racism, injustice, misinformation, and empathy. It would be cowardly of me if I didn’t express some of my learnings and opinions here, since I’ve written out so many others.

My current plan is to monetarily or physically support the marchers in NYC, with an emphasis on the education system and hunger in our city. I’ll promote the petitions I sign, seek long-term projects, and continue to do much learning in a humble posture.

This is not a particularly prolific post, or a story about New York, or a funny narrative about city life. It’s simply a public admission of thoughts amidst the backdrop of a global pandemic and worthy protesting of broken systems. It’s a way of processing my understanding of justice, grace, and hope.  

Current Readings/Listens:

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Actions:

“Fear of radical changes leads many citizens of our nation to betray their minds and hearts.”
— bell hooks
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